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Corat Damar
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14th-Sep-2006 12:52 pm - Prejudice
watch your back
Prejudice still exists because it is a survival instinct. If you eat a kind of berry you've never had before, and it makes you ill, you might try another. But if you have ten and each make you ill, you won't continue eating those berries until their poison kills you. Humanoids are certainly more dangerous than berries, so prejudice is even more important if one wishes to survive.

Cardassians are often accused of prejudice, as though it were an evil thing. But there is a reason our people have survived impossible odds, and that is good enough for me.

((Originally posted to trek_blog.))
14th-Aug-2006 11:48 pm - Importance
damar
Which is least important to you--money, power, fame--and why?

Money benefits the family; power benefits the state. Fame is a selfish desire. A man who chases fame only thinks of himself. Perhaps Gul Dukat is a famous man, but he became that way because he is truly a great man, even if he's currently... in a bad situation.

I can't imagine wanting fame. Anything you do, any mistake you make, is put under a microscope. You must always say the right thing, which I am not very good at. You must always pretend to be friendly with those you don't care for, which I'm... particularly not good at. I hope that I am never cursed with fame.

Of course, there isn't much danger of that. I am not a great man.

((Originally posted to trek_blog.))
11th-Aug-2006 09:07 pm - Lonliness
fate
It is difficult to be around Gul Dukat's daughter. She is... strange. She doesn't say very much. And whenever I say anything to her, she smiles like she knows something that I don't. I'm glad that I don't have a daughter. Girls are difficult.

Or maybe boys are not less difficult. Mine is apparently causing... problems, for which his mother blames me. I'm not sure how this is possible. I have not been home in weeks. It doesn't look like I will be any time soon. Which would not bother me if I were doing anything useful in this war. Instead I am hauling cargo back and forth, trying to keep this ship moving, and being friendly with a strange girl who smiles at me.

I shouldn't complain. My people are at war, and this crew of thirty-six are floating out here alone. And safe. And helpless.

I have to go realign the disruptor cannon before our next drill. Even if drills are all our weapons are ever good for.

((OOC: Originally posted to trek_blog.))
watch your back
There was a time when this would be an easy question for me to answer. Which aliens are Good and which are Bad -- judged by how they would benefit Cardassia. I used to hate Bajorans, then one of them helped save my planet from complete destruction. I used to hate Humans, then they began sending life-saving aid after the war ended. At the same time, I have seen Cardassians betray their own people. I have seen our... allies first try to annihilate our way of life, then try to annihilate us altogether. It is not as easy as it used to be.

That said, I've yet to meet a Vorta who didn't deserve explosive decompression.

And Ferengi are... likeable, but that opinion doesn't need to circulate.

((OOC: Originally posted to trek_fic))
12th-May-2006 03:39 pm - Cardassian officers don't question.
dukat
The Groumall has a new Gul. The former prefect of Bajor. Gul Dukat.

I'm not sure what to think. I respect the man -- of course I respect Gul Dukat. He is one of the greatest Cardassians of our time. I admit to having followed his career a little. More than a little. I'm happy to have the chance to serve under his command despite the circumstances.

But he has brought his daughter. His Bajoran daughter. It seems... odd to me. I guess he doesn't have anywhere else to put her.

Gul Dukat spoke to me in private, and I get the impression that he wants me to be friendly with his daughter. He didn't say it exactly. He didn't order it. It seemed like he was sizing me up, and he was talking about his daughter's situation. I think that was what he was saying.

I want to do anything that makes Gul Dukat's... present situation more comfortable, but I've never been very good with children. I might make it worse. Even if I do it right, I don't know how it would--

I will find a way. I've certainly faced more dangerous situations. I am not afraid of a teenage girl.

Perhaps I could teach her some simple self-defense techniques. Children enjoy that sort of thing, don't they?

((OOC: Originally posted to trek_blog))
12th-May-2006 03:37 pm - Memory of Snow
damar
It has been a long time since I thought of Bajor -- which may sound strange. I've thought of the idea of it. The concept. General hatred. No specific incidences. No dates or times. No faces.

But when I take a moment to let my mind go back there, the faces flood back -- Cardassian and Bajoran alike -- as if they were always there, waiting to be remembered.

I'm sure they're all dead by now.

I've found some of the personal records I made during my time on Bajor. I've found one that I wrote when I was barely a gorr. It doesn't seem that long ago. I'd kept the memory of parts before, but it took reading it again to remember all of it.

I'm putting it here because I don't know what else to do with it.

---

OOC: Cut for length and disturbing content. Apologies for not being more cheerful, but Cardassians and snow don't mix well.Collapse )

((OOC: Originally posted to trek_fic
12th-May-2006 03:36 pm - Commitment
damar
I used to call it fire -- that spark in her that attracted me at first. I think I married her for that. Or I was distracted from her personality by her eyes, her hair, the curve of her neck, her scent... Either way, I was too young and too foolish, so I married her. She gave up a military career of her own -- like me, she never had interest in any other profession -- so that she could raise our son. I had said: "Better for one of us to focus our energies on our duty to the Union and the other our duty to family than dividing our time between both." She had agreed.

And in every argument since, she has made tribute about the Great Sacrifice of her career. As if a woman like her would sacrifice anything. I sometimes wonder if she made the agreement only to use it as leverage to get her way with me. I wonder if it was not some plot from the beginning to be able to stay in our home with no responsibility aside from raising our child without me.

Which is not to say that I don't love her, that I will ever stop loving her. Which is not to say that, when I do see her, that fire doesn't still attract me even as it infuriates me. But it is more like combat than a marriage. It is discovering her weak point before she discovers mine. It is going behind enemy lines to find information on her covert activities. It is looking at my son and wondering which side of the battle he is on.

So, is this commitment? I'm not sure. If this were a battle with ranks and orders, wins and losses, I would say yes; it would be commitment to my superiors and Cardassia. As it is, the definition of our marriage is so fluid that I couldn't begin to decide where my commitment would lie, if it does exist.

Now, I have a bottle of expensive kanar on the table and a woman whose name I don't recall waiting for me outside of my door, so perhaps definitions and decisions can wait. It makes no difference -- they have been waiting for years already.

((OOC: Originally posted to trek_blog))
12th-May-2006 03:35 pm - Best and Worst Dreams
damar
Dreams... There was a time when I didn't care for them -- not of any sort. Any thought was unnecessary for a soldier like me. Questions only had one answer. Half the universe black, the other half white.

There are still dreams I have little use for. Daydreams are nothing but idle fantasies. Night dreams are nothing but the loose threads of thought that were never tied off. I have dreams of my parents, my wife, my son. Dukat. Friends who have died. Every Cardassian who died at the hands of the Dominion. Even Ziyal and Rusot and countless others who I have myself killed. Dreaming of the past only makes the dreamer feel helpless. There is no way to change what has already happened.

No, the dreams I prefer are dreams of the future. A dream of Cardassian cities rising to their former glory can drive the dreamer to work through the day and night to rebuild. A dream of the Cardassian Union once again becoming a formidable force can give the dreamer enough hope to live through the process of making it a reality. A dream of what Cardassia could become gives meaning to the deaths that have led to the possibility of improvement.

But perhaps the best dreams are the smaller ones. The personal ones. The selfish ones. Like the dream that a disgraced old friend will one day be remembered as he should be; as a great man. And as the best dreams are small, so are the worst ones -- dreams that are both of the future and seemingly unavoidable. The threat of failure. The knowledge that your shoulders are not strong enough to carry the weight you have taken on. The knowledge that greater men have wilted under that weight.

The knowledge that you are not a great man like Dukat was before, and that your weakness might destroy the dreams of all your people at once.

You can only tell yourself that these dreams are only the shadows of self-doubt, which you will not fall prey to again. You hope and you work for a better future. When everything else is taken from you, what else is there?

((OOC: Originally posted to trek_fic))
1st-May-2006 11:30 am - Placeholder
damar
OOC: This is an RP journal for trek_fic and trek_blog. The posts can be found in the memories.
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